Motherhood

Celebrities: They’re Just Like the Rest of Us

It’s easy to compare your experience as a mom to what you see on the internet. Every new mom faces certain postpartum challenges. Even Beyonce.

I’m sure by now we’ve all seen this photo of Beyonce floating around the internet. In case you haven’t, this is Beyonce and her brand new one-month old twins.

I’ve seen a lot of people making jokes about how their version of motherhood measures up to Beyonce’s version, and clearly there is no comparison.

But can we get real for a second?

Do we really believe that Beyonce’s version of motherhood is that different from ours just because she’s Beyonce?

I mean, come on ladies, sure she’s Beyonce- international pop star, singer extraordinaire – but childbirth is the great equalizer among us. The woman just pushed two tiny humans out of her body, and that s**t ain’t pretty.

No matter how much fortune or fame you might have there is no escaping the mesh underwear and leaking breasts. 

Even if you’re Beyonce.

Or Meghan Markle.

Or Kate Middleton.

Or a Kardashian.

Or any other celebrity mom.

Childbirth favors no woman, and the version of postpartum that you see on the internet – the perfectly posed photos with all the hair and makeup – I can guarantee you that is not their true reality.

How do I know this? Because I’ve done it three times. And all the money in the world can’t stop what your body is meant to do after childbirth.

And what your body is meant to do isn’t pretty.

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Take a look at the photo at the top. How long do you think it took to capture that “perfect” photo?

I’m guessing this photo took hours and it’s the only good one from the shoot, which is why it was the one that was released.

The rest of them probably look like Beyonce awkwardly juggling two tiny babies, trying to shush one and bounce the other at the same time; all while her oldest tugged on her dress begging for another graham cracker.

How much do you want to bet she leaked breast milk all over that purple dress/robe/thing? Because that’s what life is really like when you have a one-month-old. Leaked breastmilk and ruined clothes.

And it doesn’t matter if the shirt is from a world-renowned designer or the clearance aisle at Target. Breastmilk will stain it all.

I’m going to go ahead and take a wild guess that these days, with a preschooler and two infants at home, Beyonce probably spends most of her time in sweatpants. Sure, they might be $500 sweatpants made from the wool of sheep that are raised by blind virgins, but they are sweatpants nonetheless.

Because I can guarantee that Beyonce has stretch marks, a never-ending period, leaking breasts, and hormonal mood swings that would make her husband run for the hills.

Just. like. the rest of us.

Because celebrity moms are just like us.

Tired, oddly thirsty, praying your milk doesn’t come in at an inopportune time. And madly in love with your tiny human.

a photo of Prince William and Kate Middleton holding their newborn baby outside the hospital where the baby had been born.
Photo credit: ENews

And how many people do you think it took to make Kate Middleton look like that?

Because even a literal princess doesn’t look that good freshly postpartum. I’m going to guess it took about 15 highly trained professionals including some sort of sorcerer working their magic to make this photo happen. 

Not to mention a whole lot of pain killers, strategically placed ice packs, and at least one bottle of numbing spray before she was able to walk. In heels.

You know she’s wearing mesh underwear under the pretty designer dress, right?

Because no matter what the internet might show us, any woman who has gone through the pain and beauty of delivering a child knows that nobody – and I mean nobody – leaves the hospital in anything but mesh panties.

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So as you’re sitting there reading this, sipping lukewarm coffee (because #forgottenlattes) chilling in your $20 stretchy pants and nursing tank, don’t be so hard on yourself.

Do not let the internet tell you that some women are just nailing it in the postpartum department. While the rest of us are left with mesh panties and vaginal ice packs.

Postpartum is not magically more glamorous for some than it is for others.

Childbirth levels the playing field- we’re all just trying to figure it out one day at a time. 

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a new mother holds her newborn baby close to her face; the text below reads "a humorous look at the reality of motherhood"